05 August 2009

Is that a Swell?

Haven't been here in a while... sigh. I have that feeling again where I think I'm about to ride a wave of activity and staying on the diet. Hopefully I can get back on the board before the wave crashes in on me.

I went into the office today, and because I have such bad skin I always have moisturizer somewhere. So I put some on in the office, and went to talk to some co-workers. An hour or so later I went to the bathroom, and saw some very noticeable flecks of the lotion on my face. No one said anything to me; have they become so adjusted to my poor look that the they thought this was normal.


Blame no one, expect nothing, do something...

19 July 2009

Back to the Kiddie Pool

The exercise is really taking a hit, and as a result the weight is going up. When I get into this mode I have to get back to basics... get out of the ocean and back to the kiddie pool where I can start over. So I have been slowly getting back to the gym, and not trying to run 20 miles in an hour. OK there is no way I was ever even coming close to that, but you know what I mean.

I hope all of you are doing well.

Defining the Change

Just to keep me on target here are the changes that I have to make:

lose weight
read more
less TV
volunteer more
cuss less

The targets are up, it's time to start shooting.

04 July 2009

Happy Birthday America

Happy Birthday America. A special thanks goes out to all our soldiers in the services. If you have the means in these tough times please donate to the Fisher House.


26 June 2009


I've been very distracted the past few weeks. To the point that other things are not getting done. I had mentioned earlier about crushes, and I'm getting over one just to fall into another. (I know I'm desparate.) The earlier crush is still there and I think of her, but... sorry "Sugar, Sugar" just started playing on my iTunes... "I just can believe the loveliness of loving you..." don't you hate it when songs can express your feelings better than you can? Anyway, I'm starting to get over my first crush my realizing that there isn't a chance I would even meet this person. That's the kind of crush I have... long distance, and the person doesn't even know me. One day I'll explain the next song that just started to play on my iTunes.

The new crush is local, knows me, and I thought we had something going. But I've been disappointed a few times in the past weeks, which has led to the distraction. Does she care? Does she want to be with me? Does she want more? Unfortunately the answers are yes, no, and no. It's not that she said this to me, but isn't true that actions speak louder than words? I've been more forgiving with her because of her situation, but the other day she let it out that I was too old for her, and I've fallen into the friend zone. I don't know if I should just cut my losses and move on, or wait this out. I've been in the friend zone to know that getting out rarely if ever happens.

Have a good weekend, times are tough, but I have finally realized what taking it one day at a time really means.

12 June 2009

Feeling Low

I have not been riding the wave of disappointment in an effort to get me back on track. I have my mind on other things that are really distracting me from what I should be concentrating on. I feel like sometimes I'm being led on, but I get so lonely that I let it happen. I have to get back on... I have to get back on... I'm not riding the wave... I have to get back on.

01 June 2009

Don't Fear the Booth

One of the reasons I wanted to lose weight is because going out in public like I am really sucks. You always feel that people are watching and judging you no matter what you do. If you are in the supermarket you think people are looking and saying "Getting more food, huh?". When you are actually out exercising you think people are saying, "It's about time, but it will never work." And finally when you go out to a restaurant all you hear screaming in your head is, "Be sure to get a small salad."

The biggest problem going to a restaurant was more real than imagined. I hated going into booths because I just didn't fit. I would have to wedge myself into the table. Over the years I believe my friends and family understood this without them ever saying anything.

Over the past couple of years that I have been losing some weight the booths have been less scary. But the other night I met my parents for dinner. They did not see that I already had a table, and they were seated in a booth. My father got up (again without seeing me) and went to ask the hostess for a new place to sit because they needed a table instead of a booth. Like I said earlier I felt my friends and parents always knew my booth problem, but this was the first time I had heard them. This really bothered me because even though I had lost enough weight to not fear the booth, others still saw me as fat enough to need a table.

Let's hope I can ride the wave of disappointment.
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